Saturday, June 27, 2009
Wishing she was here!
The house is still, kids in bed, I slowly make my way to my room. Checking the doors, they are all locked, lights off, the stairs creak under my feet. My yellow lab by my side, following me up the stairs. I place my hand on her back, she enjoys my touch. I look in on the kids. Tucking them in, making sure they are not too warm or too cold. Moving their bodies closer to the center of the bed. Innocently they sleep, my daughter reminds me of me, on top of the covers. My son, usually tucked under layers of blankets like his mom. Precious, loving children, I never knew what it meant to be a father, I am so glad I am.
I walk into my room, the bed is empty, no wife tonight. I hate going to bed alone, every third day at the firehouse is enough. There it is much easier, a twin bed, no room for anyone else. Tonight is a king bed, empty space where she should be, I feel the emptiness. I turn on the ceiling fan, the cool air circles throughout the room. The dog curls up on her chair, waiting to be tucked in, too old to join me, I tuck her, kissing he on the head.
Climbing into bed, I kick the blankets and sheets aside. Always too warm, needing the breeze to make me comfortable. I use two body pillows, placing them where my wife would be, cold and not warm, I pull them close to me. Holding them tightly, thinking of her, missing her touch, her warmth, her love. I turn on the television, looking for something to watch, I am restless. Setting the timer, I wonder where she is, hoping she is having fun, wanting her with me. A romantic movie now reminds me more of her, I toss and turn, thoughts of her racing through my mind.
The light still illuminates the room, I turn to my left side, shutting of the lamp. Now only the light from the television keeps me awake. My eyes are heavy, lonely, tired, my body begins to give up. My eyes are closed, I imagine she is near, holding me, wishing she was here!