Suicide

A selfish act to take one's own life. Leaving those who love you, wondering, lost, confused and alone.

Twenty years of responding to medical calls, seventeen to fire calls, suicide is one that still confuses me. A few years back I was faced with three suicides in three shifts, all but one died. Two were fathers, one was single man, I remember walking away from the house after being approached by one son "What are you doing at my house?" My reply was simple "You need to go talk with your mom." I remember his face all of about 14 years old. Not knowing that his father would be pronounced dead later that day, heart still beating, brain dead from lack of oxygen.

Many times I wonder, in those last few moments, what they were thinking. One of partner's put it simply yesterday "revenge" Is it revenge to your family, the loved ones that huddle in grief, reeling from seeing your body, lying or hanging here? The person's that they are seeking revenge do have to live with it for the rest of their lives, however, that is only one person maybe two, what about the rest of the people that will be there if you were to call them. Stand by your side, hold you, comfort you, help you through this difficult time.

A few years back I attended a funeral for a fire fighter, he took his own life in the garage, hanging himself before dinner. Dinner arrived that evening, someone went to the garage to find him hanging. His comrades were dispatched, with their heart and souls they attempted to revive their friend and colleague. With no avail they were unable to restore his life. During the funeral I sensed the good that this man had done, a leader, a father, husband. He was distraught over the murder of his son, leaving the family without a father, my heart goes to his family, friends and colleagues.

Time and time again, no matter what the circumstance, people are left grieving the loss of a loved one. Children left with out a parent, a parent left with out a child. There is no revenge, there is family left empty and alone with loss of the one they love. Nothing is gained and everything is lost.

Destination Unknown

I just needed to clear my head, no real destination planned. I packed as much as I could fit on my Harley, three pairs of jeans, three shirts, 3 pair of boxers, all stuffed in my bags. A small two person tent, sleeping bag, all strapped to the seat. I was also able to find a spot for my small toilette bag, leaving me life’s minimum's for my time away.

As soon as I left suburbia, my wheels hit the open road, the rumble of the bike began to mesmerize me. Leaving my past behind me, watching it fade as I accelerated. I found myself searching for my soul, searching for my purpose in life, wondering who I had become. My bike was now my partner, helping find the person who I had become.

A few hours later I found myself pulling into a small town, small enough that the only businesses around were three bars and a convience store. Fortunately the gas pumps took credit, I filled my tank, pulled out my map, finding where I was, looking for my next path. I walked inside, the air was cool, and I suddenly felt the sweat on my back. I opened the cooler, grabbing a blue Gatorade, trying to refresh my electrolytes. I walked up to the counter pulling out my wallet, while the man rang up my purchase.

Leaving the store I noticed a nice oak tree adjacent to the property, so I fired up the bike and parked it near the tree. I took off my riding jacket, hanging it on the handle bars, sitting down and resting my back against the tree. I slowly drank my Gatorade, relaxing and enjoying the quietness. I checked my phone, no messages, so I placed it back into my pocket. About fifteen minutes passed and I began to gear up, climbing on my bike, I returned to the road.

Riding through the countryside was relaxing, enjoying the sights and smells while I rode. The only thing I could really hear was the faint music over my pipes rumbling that so familiar Harley tune. I felt as if I were part of the scenery, becoming one in itself. Riding through the hills and valley's, passing through small towns along the way. Stopping every so often to stretch my legs, hydrate, occasionally filling up the tank.

The day was nearing the end as I rolled into this small town of about 1,500 people, a small hotel sat on its edge, the vacancy sign still lit. I pulled the bike into the parking lot, there were about nine cars in the parking lot. The front was brick with black shutters, clean looking, a neon sign hanging over the center door “OFFICE ". As I walked into the office, it looked as if it were the woman's room with a counter. A bell rang over the door as I entered, a cute strawberry blonde woman stepped from her kitchen, smiling, wiping her hands, as she walked towards me.

Her voice had a southern drawl to it, eight hours from home and south, you begin to notice the little things. She was wearing a black tank top without a bra, her nipples poking through. Her smile was quirky, her lips raised more on the left side than right, and teeth were straight and white. She could tell I was tired from the road, immediately asking me "King or Queen?" "King" I said, thirty nine dollars, “You take Discover?" I asked. "Sure do, you must be a city boy!" She said.

I explained I was from the suburbs of Chicago, out to find myself again. "That's how I ended up here" she said. I took my key, thanking her, I exited, walking down the sidewalk to my room. The building was immaculate, not run down at all, I was quite surprised of its cleanliness. Old fashioned like with an actual key, I opened my door. A fairly recent update had been done to my room, newer beige carpet, large 32 inch TV. Not the standard 27 that you find in most budget hotels, fairly new furniture as well. The maroon bed spread was nicely made, wash cloths folded like shells on the bed.

I quickly undressed, turned on the shower and lay on the bed naked. I grabbed the remote and surfed for something good to watch, finally deciding on the weather channel, looking at the forecast for the next couple of days. Once a commercial came on I jumped into the shower. The water was cool, with a touch of warm, closing my eyes as it rained down on me. I just stood there for a few minutes, allowing my body time to relax. I soon lathered up, rinsing the sweat and dirt from my body, my skin felt refreshed.

Turning the shower off, I pulled the curtain open, the cold air felt good. Dripping wet I stepped out onto the bath mat, grabbed a towel, and wiped my face. The towel added warmth to my body, between my wet skin, the cold air conditioning, I was feeling chilled. Drying off my body, I walked over, pulled the bed spread back, again lying on the bed. My naked body enjoying the feel of the clean sheets against my clean body.

Tired from the road, refreshed from my shower, I quickly fell asleep. I was unsure how long I had slept when I awoke to the knocking on my door. I felt as if I had been asleep for a few moments, disoriented and confused I sat up on the edge of the bed. In reality I had slept for almost two hrs, the clock read 9:04pm. I stood realizing I was naked, grabbed my towel wrapping it around my waist, I went to the door. “I will be right there!" I hollered. With the door chained at the top, I opened it slightly, peeking through the crack.

There she stood, the cute lady from the office, holding a plate of food. "I noticed that you hadn't left Ric, I thought you might like some dinner." I reached up and unhooked the chain. I slowly opened the door, standing there in my towel, again I saw her quirky smile. Wondering if she treated all her quests this way. "Thanks, I appreciate the hospitality." "My Pleasure" she exclaimed, as she handed me the plate. I could see her looking, my cock was pressing against the towel, her nipples poking through her shirt.

Sheepishly standing in my door, I offered for her to join me. Explaining that she shouldn't as she stepped into my room. I set the plate down at the table, with only one chair, she sat on the edge of the bed. Meatloaf, potatoes and carrots, a good home cooked meal. We discussed how we both ended up in this small Kentucky town. As I finished my plate, she graciously stood up, picking up my plate.

As she went to leave, I thanked her for dinner. Stopping at the door, turning around, staring at me, afraid to say too much, she smiled again. I then took the plate from her hands, set on the table as I approached her. I could see her take a deep breath, anticipating my next move. I gently brushed the strawberry blonde hair from the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were closed now, my hand continued into her hair, touching her scalp, sending chills down her spine. Her nipples now erect, poking further out of her shirt.

I then touched my lips to hers, I felt her exhale in relief. Turning her around, I slowly walked her to my bed. My body pressed against hers, my lips pressed against hers. I could taste the lip gloss that she was wearing, sweet bubble gum, it made her lips shimmer. The smell of her washed hair,it smelled fruity, felt silky. Her arms remained by her side, submissive to my touch. My towel fell to the floor, now naked, she hardly noticed. She was consumed by my lips, my body, and the moment in which we shared.

My hands found the bottom of her shirt, lifting it over her head, our lips separated for only a moment. Her bare chest pressed against mine, I could feel her nipples pressing into me. Her nipples were rosy pink, surrounded by the white triangles created from her bikini. I always have found that very sexy. My lips left hers, pulling her hair aside. Kissing the nape of her neck, down to her shoulder, then to her breasts. Her hands still by her side, submissive, waiting for direction. My hands grabbed her ass, I heard her moan in pleasure. Walking my fingers around her waist, I began to unbutton her shorts, then unzipping them. Slowly I walked her shorts over her hips, dropping them to the floor.

She could feel my cock pressing against her now, she only stood 5'4. I was 6'1, finally her hands were on my sides. Our bodies touching, finding each others souls. We kissed and touched as long as we both could hold out, finally she sat on the edge of the bed, taking me into her mouth. Cupping my balls while stroking with the other, her mouth wrapped around me, sucking and teasing my cock. Looking up at me, hair on her cheek, amazing green eyes looking up at me. Stopping, she smiled, she pushed herself back onto the bed, spreading her legs wide. Touching herself, showing me her wetness, then taking her finger and sucking it clean.

I climbed onto the bed, lifting her legs onto my shoulders. Grabbing a pillow, placing it under hips, I slowly began to enter her, slowly sliding inside. I pressed slowly, she was soaking wet, I was very thick for her small frame. She moaned with pleasure, asking me to fuck her, I went slowly, while she begged for more. I could see the urgency of her willingness to cum, teasing her with my cock, I made her wait. Her urgency turned into desperation, she reached down with her hand, trying to masturbate herself. I grabbed her wrists, placing them above her head. My thrusts became harder and deeper, her legs now wrapped around my waist. Her breasts moving with her body, everything in motion, suddenly without warning. She began screaming with pleasure, and then her quirky smile was seen again.

I leaned over and gently kissed her on the lips, my cock resting inside of her. I could feel my pulse in my cock, it wanted to unleash it fury deep inside. She then pushed me off, rolling me onto my back, kissing me, then my nipple. Looking at me with those green eyes she slowly worked her way down my abs. Without warning she took me back into her mouth. Savoring her own juices, she giggled as my cock grew more, it excites a man when a woman is willing to suck her own juices.

Her eyes were now dancing with excitement as she climbed on, one leg raised, lowering herself down. She gasped from the fullness as it touched her favorite spots. Both knees on the bed, she began moving her hips slowly. Working my cock into the right places, rubbing her clit on my pubic hair. One hand in her hair, the other holding a breast. As her rhythm increased she lowered her hands down to my chest, looking for balance. I placed my hands on her hips to help her move, pushing and pulling, increasing the rhythm. Her facial expressions let me know she was nearing an orgasm. Using my strength, I forcibly increased our rhythm more, feeling her pussy clamp down on my cock, quivering around it, causing me to release a strong, long lasting orgasm.

Collapsing onto my chest, she just lie there, both catching our breath. Still inside of her, I could feel her insides still quivering, causing my cock to quiver as well. Rolling over on our sides, staring into each others eyes, kissing, holding. Content from the lust that we both had shared. Slowly she began to get up, visiting the bathroom, then grabbing her clothes. I watched her get dressed, enjoying her being, her quirky smile, a smile that I will remember for a lifetime.