2008 Firefighter Memorial

This past weekend I experianced a rollercoaster of feelings and emotions as I stood during a ceremony honoring 137 fallen firefighter's at the International Fallen Firefighter's Memorial in Colorado Springs, Colorado. 694 honor guard members including 256 bagpipers and drummers traveled from the United States and Canada to pay their respects to fallen commrades.

Unfortunately this year I knew one of the individuals being etched into the granite wall. I took a fitness course and he was the instructor for the week, flown in from Kent, Washington. A proactive individual, full of energy, that zest of life that we wish we had ourselves. Suddenly gone from this world, occupational cancer took his life at age 41. Leaving behind a 10 year old son and nine year old daughter and a wife of 16 years.

It was a bright and sunny Colorado day last Saturday the 20th. The sky was blue with those fluffy white clouds sporadically dispursed througout the sky. The beautiful mountains in the west, Pikes Peak standing tall amoungst them. Bagpipes filled the air along with the steady beating of the drums. Men and women in blue uniforms painted across the grounds, some with tears in their eyes. Children dressed in fire gear, hoping that someday they can live the dream. Parents and siblings, children, co-workers crying and comforting each other. Local residents and passersby stopping to pay their respects.

As each persons name is read a bell is sounded, followed by a shadow bell in the distance, a flag is dipped, a co-worker steps forward with a flag, presenting it to the family. The firefighters eyes well up with tears, his heart in his throat, his pulse pounding through his veins. Every emotional chord in his body being pulled to its fullest extent.

One after one each firefighter is announced. The bell, the flag, the presentation, until all 137 have been honored. Their names now etched in the black granite walls for all to remember. Families will return to see their names on the wall of honor and remembrance. Strangers will walk past and wonder, how did they parish, who was this firefighter. Some may even find a letter left by a child or spouse, telling a story of life with out them. A picture or patch or other memorbilla left behind for others to see.

As I stand there behind the walls of granite etched with all those names, I realize my own mortality. I can picture my family recieving the flag, children crying, wife trembling, parents grieving. A image that I know other brothers and sisters of my profession can also imagine. We realize our own immortality, at any given time we too can be taken from this earth for reasons unknown to us. I want to be there for my childrens birthdays, graduations, weddings and other things that we all take for granted. I want to be a husband for my wife, not leaving her alone and greiving. I want to be there for my family. No parent should ever have to bury their child. So many emotions fill my head during this day, facing the realities of the job I choose.

To Honor, To Cherish, To Remember, To Salute, With Overwhelming Pride, For You My Commarade, I Will - Tom Mutusik

9-11-01 Never Forget 343

Chapter 14 - New Day

It was five am and Steve’s alarm annoyingly beeped, his arm swung over the pillow and hit the snooze button. Just ask quick as dosing off the alarm quickly began buzzing again. He reached over and slowly turned off his alarm. Lying there he thought of the workday that lie ahead. Gradually he rolled over and slid his legs to the floor, sitting at the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes. Standing, then staggering to the bathroom to turn on the shower.

A normal morning routine for Steve, Catherine stayed in bed, quietly asleep. Steve waited for the water to warm up and then climbed into the shower. The water rained down on him, tilting his head back, letting the water run over his face, waking him. He grabbed his bar of soap and he began to lather his body, face then arms. Slowly he ran the soap in circular motions around his chest. Soon his thoughts raced to the evening before, Brandy and Catherine talking, smiling and enjoying each other’s company. As with most men his thoughts then turned sexual in nature. Finding himself naturally aroused, he began to lather his penis, feeling good he placed the bar of soap back into the dish.

Turning his back to the water so that he wouldn’t wash away the lather, he slowly began stroking himself. Images of his two women touching and smiling giving him and extra charge that he needed. As his hand moved faster and faster, standing was becoming more difficult. He could begin to feel weakness in his knees. Now his thoughts were strictly on accomplishing his task, the feeling was stronger almost unbearable. Finally the release of tension sprung from his penis, giving him the ultimate pleasure that he so desired.

Turning around he washed off the lather like mixture that he had created. Grabbing the soap and rewashing himself, he used caution around his penis. The sensitivity still felt good, however, time was of the essence. Quickly he finished his shower so that he could get ready for work.
Meanwhile Catherine lay in bed listening to Steve shower, wondering what was taking him longer than normal. Soon thereafter she heard the shower turn off and the door open. Knowing his morning routine, she pictured every movement he was making in the bathroom. As he came out of the bathroom she pretended to be asleep. Not wanting to confront him this morning, she lay there still, not moving. Soon he came over and kissed her, telling her that he loved her, she mumbled, “Love you.”

Hearing the door close she raised out of bed, wearing one of Steve’s fire t-shirts and her underwear. She walked over to the computer and hit the power button, waiting for it to warm up she ran into the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet reading her fluff book she began to think about Brandy, she smiled to herself thinking of how cute and nice she was. Surprisingly she began to feel a bit aroused thinking about Brandy. Something that had never even crossed her mind before, she had thought about how attractive women were but not sexually.

Finishing in the bathroom she went back to the computer, logging in to see her email. Scrolling through she came across one that caught her attention, an email from Brandy how ironic she thought. She could feel the excitement as she about to see what she had to say.

As she read the email it mentioned that she had gotten her email address from the mass email sent out by Steve for soccer. She also told Catherine how much she enjoyed meeting with her and how much fun she had meeting her. She also asked Catherine when they could get the kids together for a play date. Including that she would bring the Margarita fixings for the adults. Catherine was beaming with a smile, feeling frisky about the situation she was confused about herself. Wondering if Brandy felt the same way, curious like a junior high school kid.

She replied back to Brandy telling her the next day would work out well for the play date. She also mentioned the possibility of Steve being home as well. She included her phone number and directions to the house. Not knowing that Brandy had called and been there several times before.

Hitting send then naturally hitting the next button, she sat there dumbfounded. Not knowing what to think and almost afraid to read. Paul had emailed her, she began to read what he had to say. He sounded so sincere and sweet, like the day they had met. Telling her how much he missed talking with her and sharing his days with her. Very little flirtation and a lot of sweet, which is what Catherine, always loved about talking with him. Her frisky mood was tempting her greatly at the moment. And with out hesitation she hit the reply tab. knowing that she shouldn’t, but the temptation was so irresistible.

The First Ride !

All week long I anticipated finishing the motorcycle riding course. At the end of our first day the instructors asked if we would be interested in taking a road ride upon completion of the course. You could feel the energy in the room when all of us were asked, smiles beamed across everyone faces. Deep down inside a bit of nervousness tingled, reminding you of the dangers that lurked ahead.

During the riding course the instructors challenged the students to face their fears. Accelerating across a parking lot, expecting you to reach 3o mph and being able to stop with in 10 feet. Hands shaking as you twisted the throttle, pulling on the clutch, pressing the gears, building up speed knowing that your going to have to stop quickly. Worried that the motorcycle would slide out of control. The instructors instilling the confidence that all of us could accomplish this fearful task. Always challenging us they decided to change the straight approach technique, making it more difficult by adding a curve, and the instructors themselves stepping out in front of us, like a animal jumping out of the woods. Never doubting that we could get these machines to stop safely.

Sunday afternoon, the class was completed and all of us excited and nervous at the same time. Our first group ride awaited us, sitting patiently for the lead instructor to lead us through the countryside. Nervous about riding on urban roads that heavily traveled the instructor led us down the frontage road.

The rumble of fourteen Harley Davidson's, sounding like thunder rolling along the roadway. One by one we followed each other, staggered in formation. As the bikes left the parking lot the rumble of acceleration was heard near and far. The power of this 728 pound machine could be felt between my legs. My body was pulled through the air on this machine, giving me the ride of my life.

Accelerating faster I could feel the wind resisting me as I twisted the throttle. Holding on a bit tighter, my body relaxing, the vibrations of this big bike calmed my nerves. Before I knew it I was cruising at highway speeds through the countryside. The sun was bright and we could see for miles, curving and twisting along the roads. Taking in the beautiful scenery as rode along, enjoying the environment. Much different than when we ride in a car, protected by glass and metal, limiting your senses.

The sweet smells of fresh cut grass and the pungent smell of manure. The bright sunshine hidden by trees overlapping the roadway. The hot sun beating down on your back, the coolness of the shade provided by trees. Enjoying the beautiful surroundings that we are given to live. Feeling the raw power of a machine underneath you, guiding you through the countryside. The rumble and vibrations that soothe your senses. Knowing that you have control over this machine that provides so much pleasure in your life. Riding along a stop sign lies ahead, a decision has to be made.

Which direction shall I turn? If I go left that will take me back to where I came from, straight or right will continue my journey. I look left then right, and continue on in my journey. Enjoying those things that give me such pleasure.

Not looking back I continue on, being able to enjoy the land in which we live, home of free and land of the brave.